Thank you Sara. As a mom to a now 15yr old! Son, I struggle with all of these questions. The critical eye, as mirrored back, expresses the optics, and sadly not the intent of care, the endless logistics and administrative support. I often claim these things as expression of care, audibly. Naturally, my son just sees that as my job! I miss the days of snuggles and a surety of the role of “mom.” But now we have really great conversations exploring the nuances of interpersonal relationships and meaning, so the mothering continues, exploring all things humanity together. Such an amazing gift! Thank you for this valuable reflection.
Michelle, I love how you highlight the optics vs. the intent. It's such an interesting relationship! Freddi will sometimes say to me, Mama, are you mad at me?! Because I obviously an in some kind of angsty, get shit done energy and it's landing on him as anger. Likely, it's my own anxiety manifesting. And, like you're saying, it gives rise to great conversations between us and the opportunity for honesty, authenticity and repair... which, in the end, is way more important than doing it all perfectly in the first place. That you're "exploring all things humanity together" is amazing!!! He is a very very lucky kid!! I'm grateful to you and for you and for all the ways you show up in love.
oh girl. another stomach flu. good lord. loved reading this. i always feel guilty. try as i might, not so much delight here. but so glad you have it! sending love.
There's always another stomach flu... or fill in the blank, right?! So much to tend to! Thanks for your reflection on guilt. I find guilt useful only if it guides me to both self-compassion and change around the behavior I feel guilty about. If it's just an unending sense of guilt - vague and sort of constant - it's probably shame. Brene Brown talks really eloquently about the difference between guilt (remorse over a specific behavior) vs. shame (the sense that we are bad, not the behavior). Shame is corrosive and toxic if not held in the light. And it muscles out our capacity for delight and joy. I love you, Anna. And I see your incredible, care love and presence... with your boys and with me! You are enough!!!!
The balance of "closeness and distance". Feeling this So much with my daughter (almost 11). It is SO challenging to know which is needed in any given moment and to be ready to aline with what she needs when I have my own needs too. It can feel like whiplash somedays. And I do believe we are both learning to have patience with each other in the moments with what is needed and what can be offered clash.
Our daughter just got a door installed on her bedroom, which is a huge physical expression of this tension. Previously there was a curtain, which could be gently and stealthily opened, peaked or sneaked through. But now requesting access or barging in are obvious events with more control being exercised on either side. If anyone slams the door, it will be removed. I need to remember that goes for me too.
Thank you Sara. As a mom to a now 15yr old! Son, I struggle with all of these questions. The critical eye, as mirrored back, expresses the optics, and sadly not the intent of care, the endless logistics and administrative support. I often claim these things as expression of care, audibly. Naturally, my son just sees that as my job! I miss the days of snuggles and a surety of the role of “mom.” But now we have really great conversations exploring the nuances of interpersonal relationships and meaning, so the mothering continues, exploring all things humanity together. Such an amazing gift! Thank you for this valuable reflection.
Michelle, I love how you highlight the optics vs. the intent. It's such an interesting relationship! Freddi will sometimes say to me, Mama, are you mad at me?! Because I obviously an in some kind of angsty, get shit done energy and it's landing on him as anger. Likely, it's my own anxiety manifesting. And, like you're saying, it gives rise to great conversations between us and the opportunity for honesty, authenticity and repair... which, in the end, is way more important than doing it all perfectly in the first place. That you're "exploring all things humanity together" is amazing!!! He is a very very lucky kid!! I'm grateful to you and for you and for all the ways you show up in love.
oh girl. another stomach flu. good lord. loved reading this. i always feel guilty. try as i might, not so much delight here. but so glad you have it! sending love.
There's always another stomach flu... or fill in the blank, right?! So much to tend to! Thanks for your reflection on guilt. I find guilt useful only if it guides me to both self-compassion and change around the behavior I feel guilty about. If it's just an unending sense of guilt - vague and sort of constant - it's probably shame. Brene Brown talks really eloquently about the difference between guilt (remorse over a specific behavior) vs. shame (the sense that we are bad, not the behavior). Shame is corrosive and toxic if not held in the light. And it muscles out our capacity for delight and joy. I love you, Anna. And I see your incredible, care love and presence... with your boys and with me! You are enough!!!!
So beautiful!
Thank you!! xoxo
Thank you. This was beautiful.
Thank you... much love to you!
The balance of "closeness and distance". Feeling this So much with my daughter (almost 11). It is SO challenging to know which is needed in any given moment and to be ready to aline with what she needs when I have my own needs too. It can feel like whiplash somedays. And I do believe we are both learning to have patience with each other in the moments with what is needed and what can be offered clash.
Our daughter just got a door installed on her bedroom, which is a huge physical expression of this tension. Previously there was a curtain, which could be gently and stealthily opened, peaked or sneaked through. But now requesting access or barging in are obvious events with more control being exercised on either side. If anyone slams the door, it will be removed. I need to remember that goes for me too.